I no longer wear a black letter "A" on my chest to show the guilt and shame of atheism (i had to make the "A" black because scarlet is taken); I actually never thought of myself as an "atheist", but only because of the connotations that the word has for me: a person who scoffs at religion and God. I think of myself as an unbeliever, and i like to think that i was born that way and that it does not define who i am, just how i look at the world. It is how my mind copes with the realization that i, as all living creatures, have been dropped on this wet rock that is hurling through space at a zillion m.p.s.
How you look at the world is something that occurs in your own mind, and if you wish it to be a private matter that should be an option, but here in Texas
people place great importance on believing. Well meaning christians will not let you get away with "i'm just not very religious," they smell euphemism like a horse smells fear. If you live in Texas or any of the southern states, eventually one has to deal with the issue and i didn't deal with it well for a long time; i walked around with the stigma of a black letter "A" on my chest for the shame of the unbeliever. How dare i not believe in God the Almighty. Obviously i have never been in a foxhole or a falling plane.
Getting over that stigma came along when i started seeing my 50th birthday looming on life's horizon. It's like when you're turning 8, maybe 9, and you admit to your parents that you know about the tooth fairy, giving up the cash in order to fit better into this new age you're growing into.
I'm entering the age when the benefits of playing along no longer interest me. I'm going to die sooner than later at this point; there is no afterlife to look forward to for me, and that's okay it just means that this next age should mean something and there's no time to play pretend anymore. I am what i am; actually, i am what God made me, just like he made a perfect angel named Lucifer who fell in love with himself and tripped over his own overflowing pride. God created me because if i had been born in a country where God is not taught, then i would not have a God to not believe in.
How you look at the world is something that occurs in your own mind, and if you wish it to be a private matter that should be an option, but here in Texas
people place great importance on believing. Well meaning christians will not let you get away with "i'm just not very religious," they smell euphemism like a horse smells fear. If you live in Texas or any of the southern states, eventually one has to deal with the issue and i didn't deal with it well for a long time; i walked around with the stigma of a black letter "A" on my chest for the shame of the unbeliever. How dare i not believe in God the Almighty. Obviously i have never been in a foxhole or a falling plane.
Getting over that stigma came along when i started seeing my 50th birthday looming on life's horizon. It's like when you're turning 8, maybe 9, and you admit to your parents that you know about the tooth fairy, giving up the cash in order to fit better into this new age you're growing into.
I'm entering the age when the benefits of playing along no longer interest me. I'm going to die sooner than later at this point; there is no afterlife to look forward to for me, and that's okay it just means that this next age should mean something and there's no time to play pretend anymore. I am what i am; actually, i am what God made me, just like he made a perfect angel named Lucifer who fell in love with himself and tripped over his own overflowing pride. God created me because if i had been born in a country where God is not taught, then i would not have a God to not believe in.
