Good Fences

Last saturday we went to visit my son at UNT where we hung out a little bit on the
perimeters of the campus; there are some colorful businesses around there, and in downtown Denton. It's refreshing to see the diverse ethnicities, fashions, and hair styles that walk around there in contrast to the JCPenney maniquins around here. Nothing wrong with Penney's or Wal-Mart, for that matter, it's just refreshing to see people that do not go that route.

It is National Coming Out Day, as it has been on Columbus Day these past 22 years. Seems like as good a day as any to come out myself; yes, i've been a closeted non-believer for the past 25 years, at least. As a non-believer living on the north-west corner of the buckle, on the bible belt, i relate to the closeted homosexual. I wonder if my little gay half-brother, H., is out? ...Probably, i don't think it's something he can hide; we don't talk.

One of my regrets in life is having practically come out to my mother: it was probably just a few months before she died of cancer at age 69, and it would be the one and only time we talked of death. I have always thought of myself as having been in denial of her impending demise almost to the day it happened, but somewhere in my subconscience something must have been trying to tell me. During that conversation, in which i learned that she had made peace with her god, i confessed to being on the fence concerning the whole god issue. My honesty was rewarded with an all too familiar quiet disappointment. I wanted to tell her something important about myself, but at the same time that i'm glad i got to tell her, i know it was selfish and thoughtless. I told her that i based my beliefs on scientific findings, like that would be of some consolation; and with a deep sigh she said, well, knowing you, you'll accidently fall off on the good side.