My earliest recollection of God is when i was 5 or 6 and still living in Matamoros; one of my friends who attended sunday school put the idea in my head that Santa Claus lived with God in heaven. Since i didn't attend sunday school, i'm not sure if he was repeating what the teacher told him or was interpolating, but it made sense to me, and i could picture the two old, white-bearded men like a biblical version of Jack Klugman and Tony Randell. It was the first time i can remember being conscious of the Almighty watching my every move.
Putting the two together helped me reconcile with old St. Nick whom i had previously had misgivings about because of the whole unpracticality of his annual romp across the planet. Giving him a partner like the Almighty cleared things up for me. Until, that is, dad moved us to Texas in 1968 and Santa did not visit our home any longer and i found out that he did not visit other kids from other religions as well. When dad told me that we didn't celebrate Christmas because Jesus did not tell his followers to comemorate his birth, but his death, i was living in a different country with a different language in a town where where i was the only Mexican in the school; the issues with Jesus and Santa probably did not have the effect that it otherwise could have. In Mexico Santa showed up because we were Catholic; here we were Christian, but because of a different translation of the Bible, Santa passed us by; confusion was my middle name, but i went along for the ride because i was a kid. All i knew was that it was no longer enough to believe in God and that Jesus is his son, to be considered for a reward on Christmas.
Then dad told me that Santa was not real anyway, but i was already numb by then, so that nugget of information just sat there like odd looking stone that you kept in your little treasure box along with that tiny compass that broke off a cheap pair of binoculars that you got at the state fair for being good. And many years later you remember the experience of having truth turned into lie with just a few words and i realize that i was given a gift then: the gift of possibilies; that things are possible, in this world, that i may not have considered as easily, without that gift.
Santa Claus and God: all the sudden Santa was not real; were they such an odd couple after all?
Being able to consider the alternatives to all our Truths, no matter how improbable, is all it takes to begin the search for what is most probable; for the truth may not be known in our lifetime, if ever.
Putting the two together helped me reconcile with old St. Nick whom i had previously had misgivings about because of the whole unpracticality of his annual romp across the planet. Giving him a partner like the Almighty cleared things up for me. Until, that is, dad moved us to Texas in 1968 and Santa did not visit our home any longer and i found out that he did not visit other kids from other religions as well. When dad told me that we didn't celebrate Christmas because Jesus did not tell his followers to comemorate his birth, but his death, i was living in a different country with a different language in a town where where i was the only Mexican in the school; the issues with Jesus and Santa probably did not have the effect that it otherwise could have. In Mexico Santa showed up because we were Catholic; here we were Christian, but because of a different translation of the Bible, Santa passed us by; confusion was my middle name, but i went along for the ride because i was a kid. All i knew was that it was no longer enough to believe in God and that Jesus is his son, to be considered for a reward on Christmas.
Then dad told me that Santa was not real anyway, but i was already numb by then, so that nugget of information just sat there like odd looking stone that you kept in your little treasure box along with that tiny compass that broke off a cheap pair of binoculars that you got at the state fair for being good. And many years later you remember the experience of having truth turned into lie with just a few words and i realize that i was given a gift then: the gift of possibilies; that things are possible, in this world, that i may not have considered as easily, without that gift.
Santa Claus and God: all the sudden Santa was not real; were they such an odd couple after all?
Being able to consider the alternatives to all our Truths, no matter how improbable, is all it takes to begin the search for what is most probable; for the truth may not be known in our lifetime, if ever.
No comments:
Post a Comment